Ouch!

Today, I had a stark realization that most of my stomach issues are really stress-related, a fact I already knew but became abundantly clear when my mom and I were about to go to dinner and my Dad called complaining about his health issues, and she said he was falling apart. Despite intending to talk to her about my feelings during our outing to In-N-Out, or as I planned to for days, but she was feeling ill yet good enough to go “play with Archie for 3 hours” hearing his voice on the call made me hesitate. There are countless pieces to this complex puzzle, but the culmination of it all hit me when we returned home, and I remained silent as my mom rushed to his aid once again. I find myself upset because I don't understand why she continues to help him, knowing that without her, he would likely face dire consequences. While I don't necessarily wish for him to die, I can't deny that pretending not to care only heightens my stress levels, evident when my stomach tied itself in knots, leading to vomiting and excessive coughing and smoking cigarettes. I tried to watch Drag Race to not think about it but it was hard. Earlier that day I heard my mom say to my sister she doesn't know what she's helping him, but she keeps telling herself she's doing it for my sister (which should be her job honestly if that's what she's doing it for). When she got back I desperately wanted to leave and went to the casino and lost the 80 bucks I had, you should never go there upset cause you will not win. I got a burrito (with my Platinum points which will end tomorrow) It’s a lot!

#theaterkid #musicals #toxicfamily #toxicpeople #narcissism #gaslighting #mentalhealth #toxic #boundaries #abuse #survivor #healing #dysfunctionalfamily #depression #manipulation #bipolar #life #sucks #walking # carless