Fall Guy

After being trapped in the house all day, I decided to paint again, something I hadn't done in a long time. I attempted a kind of Warhol-inspired painting over a blue French painting of a self-portrait. I was trying to let the original painting show through underneath, though I'm not sure if it worked. I did it all in blues, reflecting my current emotional state during my "Taylor Swift blue era." When my mom got back after five, I asked if she wanted to see "Fall Guy." After the movie, we went to Panera, where she mentioned how the main character was injured at the beginning of the film and couldn't pursue his craft anymore. For a year, he was depressed. She explained that this is what happens when you lose your sense of identity that was tied to what you used to do. I don't think she realized or considered how much that resonates with me. I think that's my case too, only with theater. I haven't been involved in theater for so long now that I don't think I have it in me anymore. The more plays and musicals I see, the more depressed I feel, as it only reminds me of what I've lost and how much I miss that part of my life.

#theaterkid #musicals #toxicfamily #toxicpeople #narcissism #gaslighting #mentalhealth #toxic #boundaries #abuse #survivor #healing #dysfunctionalfamily #depression #manipulation #bipolar #life #sucks #walking #carless