Apr 12, 20222 min read

Invalidating Your Feelings

Your narcissistic mother has no appreciation or regard for your feelings or for anything you might do for her. She simply judges, ignores, rejects, and criticizes. Moreover, she diminishes what you need, want, and feel as well as your opinions and experiences. It quickly becomes clear that you cannot go to her for help.

You’ll likely experience the generalizations she uses to dismiss your feelings and perspective. She quickly discards the nuances of what you say or experience and reduces those feelings and opinions to nothing more than a cliche.

What’s even worse is that she can only see your experience from the perspective of how they affect her. She has no concern for how you’ve been affected. To her, you are of little importance, and that’s why it’s so easy for her to dismiss you.

You might hear your narcissistic mother make such invalidating statements as, “Stop being a baby. You’re so sensitive. You’re not really upset,” or even, “How can you be feeling sad at a time like this?” These kinds of statements reduce your experience of the world to nothing more than unimportant and selfish nonsense.

They have a devastating effect on any kind of emotional closeness you might like to feel with your mother. You will probably wonder if she loves you because you don’t feel loved. Her lack of response to your needs also causes you to have problems communicating your needs.

That can have significant effects on your adult relationships. You might never be satisfied with a romantic partner because you feel resentful. You may also come to see your needs and desires as burdens to be minimized. You say you’re fine even though you feel like you’re dying inside. That’s not healthy for any relationship, including the one you have with yourself.