Apr 27, 20222 min read

Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

The narcissistic cycle of abuse is the style of emotional abuse a narcissistic mother heaps on her hapless children. It begins with idealization. During this stage, the narcissistic mother sees her children as perfect. They can do no wrong.

But, because they cannot hope to live up to her unrealistic expectations, sooner or later her children disappoint her. They might stand up to her or simply be unable to please her. It doesn’t really matter because the outcome is the same.

The devaluation phase begins. This is where the narcissistic mother will be constantly critical of her children. She’s cruel in her criticism too, often referring to them as idiots, stupid, or inept.

When it becomes too much for the child and they withdraw, their dysfunctional mother hoovers them back in. She uses love-bombing to win back their affection. It’s always this way with a narcissist because they fear abandonment and consider themselves to be all-powerful at the same time.

Thus, it’s a game to them to drive you away and then win you back. The devaluation makes them feel superior and the hoovering proves they can easily manipulate and control you. Of course, this works with their own children because they don’t know any better.

It’s extremely confusing for the children and very damaging to their personalities. They often strive even harder to win their mother’s approval only to ultimately fail again, or they rebel completely against her control. If that happens, they may leave home or sink into addictive behaviors. It also damages their ability to have any kind of normal romantic relationship.