Apr 10, 20221 min read

Subtle, Insidious Denial

Not all abuse is explosive and obvious. In fact, some of the most damaging abuse is the kind that is not all that obvious. It eats away at you insidiously. You may not even realize it is happening.

Narcissistic mothers often disguise their abuse so that anyone who might hear what they’re saying or doing to you won’t realize it’s abusive. The narcissist is an expert at creating a public persona that charms everyone around them, but when you’re in the privacy of your own home, your narcissistic mother is quite different.

To the outsider, when your mother says, “We can talk about that later,” it seems like a reasonable and calm response, but you know the truth of what’s coming. That outsider never sees what happens when she gets you home and that ‘talking’ begins.

This insidious form of abuse also serves to make it seem as though you’re exaggerating or outright lying when you tell people she’s abusive. They don’t believe you because all they ever see is that calm, reasonable demeanor. That makes it that much harder for the abused child of a narcissistic mother to get real relief.

It can even make you question your own feelings. You might begin to believe that you are just overly sensitive or selfish because you don’t consider her feelings. That can make it even harder for you to open up to people and tell them what’s really going on.